tickle the rabbits ass

and make it all for naught.

I had not counted the days until this very moment, but I'm out of here in T-18. Oh yes. Then I will be on vacation and not giving a hoot.

So what am I doing about the frustration? Calling passengers on their bullshit for one. Stick a fork in me, I'm done. I have never understood how people, who are just people can think that because of status, anyone should be required to respect them or be afraid. (Now granted, if said person has a gun, the gun is respected and I would surely fear the person, because ultimately it really is not guns that kill people. It is people, and people would still kill people if guns were not available. Anyway, I digress.) I'm toeing off with people, and my poor Director is dealing with some of the aftermath. I'm not going to continue to allow people because of position or title push my co-workers around, and certainly I will not allow them the ability to push me around or try to tell me my job. I know my job. Most days it really is like herding cats truth be told. My Director in spite of having to do clean up though, really is not having to do too much battle. I can fight my own, and I pick and choose them as best as I can. I think he's more amused than naught. I'm doing a lot of toeing off though with various agencies, and while toeing the line is okay, I'm very aware that if I'm not careful, I'm going to crash into the line.

What else am I doing? I'm looking for a new job, and now I'm cross training on a position I hope to obtain before the hiring manager leaves the Ice. There are multiple reasons for this. I am slightly burned out on my job but due to work related issues.

The job would be a field camp cargo coordinator. It would be one of two positions being hired for this next season. The pay raise is about 100.00 per week on the low side, with a different kind of stress, and I would be pretty much working alone. I'm either going to suck or bloom in the position, and being that I have pretty much done most of the tasking of the position in jobs past down here, I'm opting for the blooming variety. It would make me more marketable on international contracts to boot. I would also not be required to pull a night shift for half of the season, and while I would be working close to the same amount of hours, it would be for 6 days a week instead of 5. Which in a place where the environment has a horrible toll on your body, is something to consider.

The caveat right now though, is I'm training for this position after my 12 hour work days. I'm ready to keel the fuck over. All in all though, I'm confident I will get one of the positions. The person I'm cross training with wants me to take the position, and the hiring manager is someone I know as an aquaintance, and she seems thrilled at the though of getting me.

What am I doing about work in the U.S.? Well, of all absurd things, I'm currently in negotiation with Rocky Mountain Festivals. I worked for them in the past, and they are fairly begging me to return. So I'm negotiating them providing me with an apartment, amongst other things. We will see what they come back with. I know they want me on a multi year commitment, but I'm not sure I can give it. Life is too unsure, and there are always new things to opt for.

Anyway, I guess we will see what shakes loose.

I spoke with my family this week. It produced a knee jerk crisis reaction. So I will be heading to Arizona immediately after my vacation. My father says my mother is getting worse, and my mother says she is getting worse. I need to see it, try to understand what is happening before I can even hope to help. I am looking forward to going home, I'm not looking forward to the sadness it will bring to see her as she is now. The disease is cruel, that I can definitely say. I'm already pondering recipes to bring down with me, so I can do some massive cooking while I'm there, and pretend like everything is okay. Cooking while I'm there I have noticed is my way of being able to cope with the reality that the 3 of us face together. I had not realized it until I started thinking about how many dozen tamales I should make so that my parents would have left overs. Last time I flew, I took frozen tamales in my carry on. This time, we make them! Together.

I will still be able to work on my project for the home/orphanage in Cape Town, so that is awesome. I will be glad to cuddle with my dog again, and I will be glad to be put to work doing more construction for my parents. In September I was building, pouring concrete, and doing general labor in 100+ temperatures. I'm hoping for more of it. I reveled in the heat of Phoenix, and I reveled in the place I still call home. I reveled how good I felt working so hard, and that my body did not let me down, in spite of itself.

I'm looking foward to being in Colorado for Easter. Another tamale festival to be sure. Last year I missed Easter because of being in Cabo Pulmo on the Baja coast. This year, I'm doing tamales and a fairly large-ish party again. I usually do insane Easter baskets for the guests. The only thing that would make it awesome would be to fly my own parents out for the event, but I doubt very seriously my mother could handle the stress of flying anymore. :( I'm trying to already work on a guest list, and getting the gifts of the baskets purchased. I have some ideas, but if I'm not careful I could go nuts on the spending. Feeding that many people in the manner I love to is expensive, much less all the accessories to go with it.

I should get back to work. Damn. The night is not getting any younger, and I still have things I should hash out.